What is Love Bombing? Signs, Examples, and How to Respond

By Allie Sadowski

Allie is a member of the GLPG Marketing team and a contributor to the Current and the Notepad.

Have you ever been swept off your feet so quickly in a new relationship that it almost felt too good to be true? The constant compliments, lavish gifts, and non-stop attention might have seemed like a dream come true. But what if these behaviors weren’t simply expressions of genuine affection but instead were tactics to gain control? This phenomenon, known as “love bombing,” is increasingly recognized as a concerning pattern in relationships.

In today’s world of fast-paced dating and online connections, understanding the difference between enthusiastic romance and manipulative behavior is important. This article explores what love bombing is, why it’s problematic, and how to protect yourself if you encounter it in your relationships.

What is love bombing?

“Love bombing” refers to showering someone with excessive affection, attention, and adoration early in a relationship — often with the underlying goal of manipulating that person or gaining control over them. While genuine romantic interest typically develops at a natural pace, the “love bombing stage” is characterized by its intensity, speed, and overwhelming nature.

The term was originally coined in the 1970s but has since been adopted more broadly to describe manipulative behavior in personal relationships. A “love bomber” typically overwhelms their target with grand romantic gestures, constant communication, and declarations of devotion that seem disproportionate to the actual time and depth of the relationship.

The hallmark of love bombing is its excessiveness. While many people appreciate heartfelt compliments and special gestures in a relationship, love bombing behavior takes normal romantic expression to an extreme level that can leave the recipient feeling both flattered and somewhat disoriented by the intensity.

Why is love bombing bad?

On the surface, being lavished with attention and affection might not seem like a problem. However, love bombing can have serious negative consequences for several reasons:

• It can create an unhealthy foundation: Relationships built on love bombing may lack genuine connection, as they’re often based on idealization rather than reality.
• It can lead to dependency: The recipient of love bombing can become emotionally dependent on the constant validation and attention, making it difficult to recognize problematic behaviors later.
• It can often be followed by withdrawal: Once the love bomber feels they’ve secured the relationship, they may withdraw the excessive affection, leaving their partner potentially confused and desperate for their attention again.
• It can be a precursor to abuse: A recent study on love bombing in relationships notes that “love bombing” is commonly observed in the early stages of relationships that later become emotionally or physically abusive, according to the Journal of Interpersonal Violence.

The real danger of love bombing lies in its deceptive nature. What appears to be deep affection is actually a tool for control, making it particularly difficult for recipients to recognize they’re being manipulated.

Signs of love bombing

Recognizing love bombing signs can be challenging, especially when you’re caught up in the excitement of a new relationship. Here are a few key indicators that may suggest you’re being love bombed:

• Excessive compliments: While compliments are normal in relationships, a love bomber will overwhelm you with flattery that often seems exaggerated.
• Rushing intimacy: They push for serious commitment very early, using phrases like “you’re my soulmate” or discussing marriage after only knowing you for a short time.
• Constant communication: They text, call, or message continually and may become anxious or upset if you don’t respond immediately.
• Overwhelming gifts: They give gifts that seem disproportionate to the stage of your relationship, often using these gestures to create a sense of obligation to them.
• Isolation tactics: They may try to monopolize your time, subtly discouraging you from spending time with friends or family.
• Moving too fast: The relationship lacks a natural progression, with major milestones feeling rushed.
• “You’re perfect” mentality: They put you on a pedestal and seem unable or unwilling to see any flaws in you or the relationship.

These love bombing signs become particularly concerning when multiple indicators appear at the same time or when they form a consistent pattern of behavior rather than simple enthusiasm.

Love bombing examples

To help illustrate what love bombing looks like in real-life scenarios, consider these examples that may be considered love bombing.

• Example 1: After just two dates, they begin sending dozens of text messages daily, professing deep love, and suggesting you should move in together. When you express hesitation, they send expensive gifts to your home or workplace.
• Example 2: They constantly compliment you with statements like, “you’re the most amazing person I’ve ever met” and “no one has ever understood me like you do” within the first week of dating. They begin planning a vacation with you after knowing you for just a few days.
• Example 3: In a scenario of loving bombing in friendship, a new friend insists on spending every available moment with you, and they become upset when plans include others. This creates an intense emotional dependency through constant validation and support that suddenly disappears when they don’t get their way.
• Example 4: In a scenario of loving bombing in dating, they match with you online and immediately want to video chat for hours each night. They may send flowers to your home just after learning your address or introduce you as “the one” to friends or family after one date.
• Example 5: In a scenario of love bombing in a marriage, a spouse who has become emotionally distant suddenly becomes extraordinarily attentive and affectionate after their partner discovers concerning messages on their phone, only to return to distant behavior once the suspicion has passed.

These examples demonstrate how love bombing can manifest across different types of relationships, from new romantic connections to established partnerships and even friendships.

What is the purpose of love bombing?

Understanding the purpose of love bombing behavior is important in recognizing it. While some people may engage in intense romantic behaviors out of enthusiasm, love bombing typically can serve purposes such as:

• Control and manipulation: One of the most common purposes behind love bombing is often to establish control over another person by creating emotional dependency.
• Accelerating commitment: A “love bomber” may want to secure commitment quickly before their partner has time to evaluate the relationship in detail.
• Masking insecurities: Some people use excessive affection to compensate for their own insecurities or inability to form healthy attachments.
• Creating obligation: The lavish attention and gifts can create a sense of indebtedness that makes it difficult for the recipient to set boundaries or leave the relationship.
• Distraction from red flags: The intensity of love bombing can effectively distract from concerning behaviors or incompatibilities that may otherwise cause the relationship to end.

The love bombing cycle typically begins with overwhelming affection, followed by withdrawal once the “love bomber” feels secure in the relationship, and then potentially cycles back to love bombing behavior if they sense their partner pulling away.

What can love bombing be a sign of?

While love bombing itself is a concerning behavior, it can sometimes indicate underlying psychological patterns or conditions. Being love bombed might be a sign that the person exhibiting the behaviors has:

• Attachment issues: People with insecure attachment styles sometimes engage in love bombing as a way to quickly form connections they fear might otherwise be lost.
• Narcissistic tendencies: Love bombing is frequently observed in individuals with narcissistic traits who initially idealize their partners before devaluing them.
• Controlling personality: A need for control over others can manifest as love bombing as a way to establish dominance early on.
• Fear of abandonment: Some people may engage in overwhelming behaviors out of a fear of being abandoned or left.
• Unstable relationship history: Those who have had a history of unstable relationships may exhibit love bombing behavior.

It’s important to note that while these associations exist, only qualified mental health professionals can diagnose specific psychological conditions. If you’re experiencing concerning patterns in your relationship, seeking professional guidance is advisable.

What to do if someone is love bombing you

If you recognize signs and you think you may be getting “love bombed,” consider taking these steps to protect your emotional well-being and mental health:

• Trust your instincts: If something feels off about the intensity or pace of the relationship, don’t ignore that feeling.
• Establish clear boundaries: Communicate your comfort level regarding the pace of the relationship, and pay attention to how the other person responds to these boundaries.
• Maintain your independence: Continue spending time with friends and family, pursuing your own interests or hobbies, and maintaining your support network.
• Slow things down: Suggest taking things slower and observe how the person reacts. A negative reaction to this reasonable request can be revealing.
• Document concerning behavior: Keep notes in a journal about interactions that make you feel uncomfortable, as this can help you to recognize patterns over time.
• Seek outside perspectives: Share your experiences with trusted friends or family who can offer objective feedback about the relationship dynamic.
• Consider professional support: If you’re struggling, speaking with a mental health professional can provide valuable guidance and support.

Remember that healthy relationships develop at a comfortable pace with mutual respect for boundaries. If someone is genuinely interested in supporting your well-being, they will respect your need for space and time to develop an authentic connection.

Takeaway

Recognizing and responding to love bombing can be an essential skill in today’s dating environment. While the attention and affection may feel wonderful at first, understanding the potential manipulative nature of these behaviors can help protect you from relationships that may ultimately become controlling or harmful. Healthy relationships develop at a pace that feels comfortable for both people involved and are built on mutual respect, genuine connection, and appropriate boundaries.

If you’ve experienced “love bombing” or are currently in a relationship where these behaviors are present, remember that seeking support is a sign of strength.  Our network of therapists at findmytherapist.com are here to support you. Choose your therapist online and schedule your first appointment instantly.